Things That Piss Me Off

  1. People that talk on their cell phones on the train.  Know what?  I don’t care your sister-mother is having your brother-uncle’s love child in a doublewide, save it for the house line.
  2. People that are looking at you, walking directly in your line of travel, and keep their course even though they’re on the wrong side of the sidewalk.  Get. Out. Of. My. Way.
  3. People that walk three across on the sidewalk, slowly.  If I’m walking faster than you are – holy God kick it up a notch, I am ssllllooowwwww
  4. People that don’t say “God Bless You” when you sneeze.  Watch what happens when you sneeze and lose part of your soul.  I’m not helping you get it back, sucka.
  5. People that don’t hold the door open. 
  6. People that don’t move so you can get off the elevator.  You’re catching an elbow, and if I have coffee, I’m going to spill some on you.  You brought it on yourself.
  7. People that run to catch the elevator, open the door with their hand, and then hold the door open for their slow as sh!t friend half a block away.  Really?  This is an elevator bank.  Another one will be here in 30 seconds. 
  8. People that don’t say “thank you”
  9. Hippies.  I don’t need to elaborate.  Take a shower.
  10. Anyone in my way.  That includes you.
  11. People that don’t get back to me
  12. People that ask me the same thing over and over again. Write it the f*ck down.
  13. People that ignore me when I ask them to do something, complete the initial task a month later, then ask me for something and think I’m going to do it right away.  You know who you are.
  14. People that peel oranges around me.
  15. The smell of freshly peeled oranges. 
  16. People that think because I hate the smell of freshly peeled oranges, I hate oranges.  Not true, they’re a delicious fruit.
  17. People that order a new beer when they still have one – and instead of finishing their beer, leave the old beer on the counter, unfinished.  Finish your beer jerk!
  18. Married men that hit on me.  Do you THINK I’m blind, you’re wearing a wedding band and “WIFE” keeps calling your cell phone.
  19. Those suit shirts that are striped with a white collar.
  20. The a$$holes that wear suit shirts that are striped, with white collars
  21. Girls that scream when they see other girls.  Stop that.
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