pubic transportation.

No – that’s not a typo.  I’m lumping commuters into one, nasty bunch.

I take two forms of public transportation on a daily basis, and occasionally will hop on a subway (when I want to see how the other peeps live).

People are nassssty.  This morning, a woman was sitting next to me shoveling a cinnamon toasted sandwich, with what I can only assume was a pound of butter on it, down her gullet – followed with an iced coffee.

When she got up, there was a little pile of crumbs where she sat.  What did she do?  Well, what any commuter would do.  She left it there.

She got b-tchface.

Couple weeks ago, I was taking the train in on the weekend to see a friend, and there was a woman eating a plate of food.  With her fingers.  And it consisted of rice, peppers and onions and hunks of some kind of meat on a bone she was chewing on.

How in the hell do people not realize that they’re disgusting when they eat like that on the train?  Or the bus?  Do they honestly think I want to see their nasty eating habits on display?

Lemme clear it up: I don’t.  Actually, people’s eating habits in general gross me out.  I’m not the most refined person, and I’m all for chowing down on a plate of wings with my fingers – however – my napkin is in my lap and if I’m not in the company of people I know well, I’ll excuse myself to the bathroom to pick my teeth (my family gets a show, though, sometimes I’ll do it with a butter knife, at the dinner table.  I’m a laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady).

Maybe the people you eat with want you to see how much they’re enjoying their food by chewing with their mouths open?  Maybe they want you to view the hunk of meat they have lodged in their molars (saving it for later!)

It’s not just chics that eat stinky food on the train, fellas are just as bad, but I’ve noticed that guys tend to gravitate more towards McDonalds, Taco Bell or pizza.  Let me tell you, if someone is getting in the seat next to me with a bag of popcorn, you can rest assured I’m sneezing into that bag or sighing loudly and often enough that they’ll get the hint they’re p-ssing off the whole car and leave.

I propose a quiet car – no food, no talking.  And no people who can’t sit still.  And everyone has to file in and out like civilized human beings.  You can have a bottle of water and coffee, unless you complain about the heat of the coffee.  And you can drink beer, but once you get drunk and rowdy, you go to the Animal car.  If you talk on your phone, or your iPad or Kindle or whatever you’re playing on makes noise – I’m confiscating it.  No questions, and you’re not getting it back.

Unless you try to take it from me.  And succeed.  Remember, I’m strapped.

Don’t even get me started on public restrooms.

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