Ah, the commute.

Now, I know that I have a tendency to be a little aggressive at times, sometimes even a little intimidating – but I’m hardly an imposing physical being – just a little well versed at cutting the occasional person down (when needed).

The other day I’m sitting on a train, happily minding my business.  Generally, I will sit against the window in case anyone cares to join me, but today the seat I got into had duct tape all over it – and if someone wanted to sit, well, they could sit on the tape.  I’m not putting runs in my pantyhose for complete strangers. 

The train starts to fill up, and gets a little congested, when a woman comes up behind me – at the same time that a fella is to my front.  They essentially meet in the aisle outside the seat I’m in, and she taps me on the shoulder asking me if she could sit.  I get up, get as close to the man in my face as possible without molesting him, and she wiggles past me to sit down.  As I’m returning to where I was sitting, she looks at me and says “Animal.”

Obviously, she can’t be talking to me, so I look behind me and she says “no.  You.  You’re an animal.  You think you could have moved a bit more so I could sit down.  Now my nice leather skirt is torn”.

I kind of ignore her and she keeps rambling so I turn to her, and very quietly say “I have been commuting for over 7 years.  I don’t need you to tell me how to behave on a train.  You clearly saw I had no room to move, it isn’t my fault that your clothes don’t fit you properly”

I brush my hair back with my fingers, reach into my laptop bag and take out my phone.  She then turns to me and puts an open can of soda on the seat in between us, and with a sneer says “I sure hope this soda doesn’t spill”.  So, I put my phone back into my bag, put my right hand into the zipped pocket in the back (where I usually keep my weapons), and turn to her.

“You wouldn’t be threatening me, would you?  Because that would be a mistake.” I provide one of my “don’t fuck with me or I’ll ruin your day” looks, she picks up her soda can and says “You must be hearing things”.  So I remove my hand from my bag and continue looking at my phone, with a half-smile.  That prompts a “Well I still look better than you”.

We’ve been through this.  I know that I can be a touch on the arrogant side, but I’m not really one to self promote.  In this instance, however, I didn’t have much of a choice.  I had even brushed my hair that morning AND put on makeup, so I know I was rocking it.

“…oh honey.  We both know that’s not true”

After that – the rest of my ride was in silence.