A few weeks ago, a friend asked me for my opinion. She prefaced it with “I am asking you this because I know you are going to tell me the truth, even if I don’t want to hear it”. And she’s right. While I never set out to hurt anyone’s feelings (friends and family), I’m not the girl you turn to if you want someone to “yes” you, or agree with you.
We all have those friends, or those people in our lives – and we need them. Sometimes I just need someone to say “yes, Jo, eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerrys Nutella Core Ice Cream. You had a salad for lunch and walked the dog today so it totally burned off those calories” not “eesh…thats like 1700 calories, you know its bikini season, right?”. But when we come down to the important things – career, advice, family, financial, marriage – if you’re doing something stupid and you don’t want to hear it, just don’t involve me in your plans. I’ll even listen to you after it blows up, and try to help you…I’ll never say “I told you so” but deep down inside I’m thinking “I wish you just listened to me in the first place”.
I’m not unreasonable. I know that people don’t always follow logic. I know that you are buying a new car for $60,000 and a $500 a month car payment that eats gas and costs an arm and a leg in insurance because you really, really want it…even though you’re on a tuna fish and ramen noodle budget…I just cannot physically tell you its a good idea. My tongue will literally turn around, crawl down my throat and choke me before I tell you its okay to wear creamsicle taffeta overlay on a corset to work.
This can become a problem, though. One that’s been detrimental to my friendships and relationships. It has been, on more than one occasion. Enough of a problem that I’ve considered biting my tongue sometimes and just not saying what I felt.
Considered…but won’t. If I become that girl who censors herself because she might be afraid her friends won’t see it for what it is – straight concern for the people I love – then my friends won’t be able to put their faith in what I’m saying to them, all the time, is honest.
I still won’t break your horns for eating ice cream though. IF you bring me a spoon and share.