Babies are A-Holes

And I feel like people already knew this, and didn’t tell you when you were thinking about having a kid.  All these moms I’m friends with (including my own) must have this secret pact not to let you, the prospective mother know so you can go through exactly what they did.

If there are babies out there that don’t have meltdowns, or don’t spend at least one day in the first two weeks incessantly crying for 30 hours straight, I’d like to meet these kids.  They probably belong to those mothers who are doing burpees two days after giving birth and breastfeeding with no hands, while flipping pancakes and wearing one of those 1950’s dresses, donning a full face of makeup and perfectly coiffed hair.  To all of them, I say: beat it.  We don’t have time for that in my house.

In my house, we have a little baby who had gas the other day.  And since neither of us know what the signs are, or how to treat it – this little guy was a miserable little ball of crying and discomfort for a day and a half.  Once we figured out what was wrong with him, and treated it – it was back to being my sweet little baby.

Jekyll and Hyde man, Jekyll and Hyde.  If you were to walk past our house, you may think we were engaging in some form of torture.  Nope, crying newborn!  Yesterday he was a little overstimulated and didn’t nap enough….cue the crying newborn!  The day before that?  I think the dog looked at him funny.  Crying newborn!

So to everyone out there who knew I was going to have a little maniac on my hands, and didn’t tell me before we made him….thank you.  Because now that he’s here, we sure realize that he’s an a-hole, but he’s ours.

And we wouldn’t change it.

But I would love a straight eight hours of sleep.  After a spa day and a nice steak dinner, with a bottle of wine.  I see that in our future.  In about a year.

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1 Comment

  1. Wild Willie

     /  June 23, 2016

    I knew, I knew


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