Life can kick you in the nuts

When you don’t expect it – sort of like a toddler. In the two months since my father passed, I’ve been sad a lot – and I’ve felt terrible for my mother, a lot, but this last week in particular has been harder than usual. I’m not sure why, but i can only assume it’s because Valentine’s Day just passed and it was a hard reminder that my Dad isn’t here.

Even if we hadn’t spoken for a few days, every holiday (hallmark or not) I’d get a message from my Dad. They used to be something like “Hey Shithead (endearing in a way you could only understand if you really knew my father) Happy Valentines Day” to “Happy Valentines Day my love” the last few years. I remember a couple years ago I was surprised by a delivery of chocolate covered strawberries on Valentine’s Day Dan nearly got credit for until i saw the card.

But that was my Dad – showing us he always loved us in a variety of ways.

On Tuesday, I started having a dream right before i woke up – it mirrored the last time I saw my Dad, and he grabbed my head with his bear claw arm, pulled me and and gave me a kiss on the top of my head saying “I love you little one”. Every day, this is what I’ve been falling asleep and waking up to. I can’t tell if it’s comforting or why it’s been hard to sleep all week (or if the 3 year old sleeping on my arm has anything to do with it 🥺).

It was nice yesterday, we took the day off for the most part and just did stuff together. Kind of helped reset the clock. Maybe this will be a better week, who knows. We’re far from #instaperfect but we’re definitely perfect together.

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