No One Wants Your Opinion


…except Yelp!

For those of you that aren’t aware, I love Yelp!  I love being able to share my opinion about a place, and have other people read my opinion and use that as guidance in choosing a place to eat/drink/spa on, whatever.  I also REALLY love it when people seek me out for my opinion based on my previous reviews.  I think that Yelp! is a wonderful way for people to share what their experiences are – and I use to all the time in picking out places to go – without the threat of being bothered.


Now, if you’re curious and you’ve tried to find my yelp page, let me help you: My reviews are hilarious, of course.  They’re not always positive – but hey, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, pal.  Yelp has given the consumer a little bit of power.  With that being said, I do find it highly inappropriate for owners to contact yelpers and offer them free drinks/meals, etc in exchange for a good review – that’s just shady.  I also think it’s so shady when owners will say “come in and ask for me, we’ll take care of you”.  No!  You should take care of everyone, not just the people who actively affect your business.

Which leads me to a recent encounter I had with a business owner.  Let me set the stage for you:

Two of my girlfriends and I try to get together once a month or so for brunch or dinner.  We like to ditch the men, and find places that we haven’t tried before, because we like to eat (sorry fellas).  Now that the weather is so lovely in our tri-state area, we’ve been looking for places outside to nosh at.  This particular Sunday we decided to go the Nautical Mile in Freeport, NY.  I had never been there before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect other than waterfront dining, a few cocktails and a nice afternoon outside.

We have our brunch, and its early, so we decided to head down the mile and check out another venue for a few drinks.  After walking a bit, we came across a bar that had seating in the back and inside, but an outdoor area covered, with a live band – and it wasn’t too crowded.  So we go, it wasn’t that great (should have checked yelp), and I review:

Granted, my review wasn’t nice…but it certainly wasn’t the worst review I’ve written, and I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true…I just colored it up a little bit for entertainment purposes.

Holy Hell.  The owner of the bar wrote me back, attempting to refute what I was saying…and we engaged in an email conversation that lasted entirely too long.  I blocked him, and reported him…and he logged into a different account to continue to harass me, including a threat of a lawsuit for slander.

1. Give me a goddamn break

2. Stop bothering me

3. If you don’t like my opinion, don’t read it.

there is no chance in hell I am ever going to remove or change my review.  And there’s no chance in hell I will ever go to this guys restaurant again…and if any of my friends go…good luck my loves, refer to the picture of the fella that threw up after eating his dinner there.




My friend’s often joke that I am a magnet for weird f-cking people.  And they’re right – I have no idea why, or how it happens, but where ever you put me, if there is a jerk or a creep there, they will ultimately wind up talking to me, sitting next to me, or getting on my nerves.

Yesterday I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from work – I needed lettuce and Klondike bars (can’t resist a sale).  For some reason, the supermarket was MOBBED.  I go there before 6, and it wasn’t Senior Citizen day, so I don’t know where all these people came from, but it was packed.

I opt for self check out because I’m not ringing up anything that’s complicated (40 cans of cat food, weird vegetables, ethnic food), I simply have Klondike bars, a couple of bags of lettuce, salad dressing and a steak.  The chic in front of me had a lot of stuff, so I waited for her to finish and bag the majority of her items before I started scanning.

Of course, the scanner jammed on everything I swiped.  And each time, the check-out-helper had to come scan her card so I could continue.  I turned around and apologized to the fella behind me, who gave me a sympathetic look and said “I don’t think you want to be here any more than I do, its okay.  I just started shopping for myself anyway, so this is interesting.”

BOOM – enter the witch behind him – who peers over his shoulder and loudly says “I hope YOU don’t make as many mistakes as SHE did when you ring up” – sneering at me.

I simply shake my head and say to him “You’ll find that grocery shopping brings out the best in people.  Good luck!”

Ah, the commute.

Now, I know that I have a tendency to be a little aggressive at times, sometimes even a little intimidating – but I’m hardly an imposing physical being – just a little well versed at cutting the occasional person down (when needed).

The other day I’m sitting on a train, happily minding my business.  Generally, I will sit against the window in case anyone cares to join me, but today the seat I got into had duct tape all over it – and if someone wanted to sit, well, they could sit on the tape.  I’m not putting runs in my pantyhose for complete strangers. 

The train starts to fill up, and gets a little congested, when a woman comes up behind me – at the same time that a fella is to my front.  They essentially meet in the aisle outside the seat I’m in, and she taps me on the shoulder asking me if she could sit.  I get up, get as close to the man in my face as possible without molesting him, and she wiggles past me to sit down.  As I’m returning to where I was sitting, she looks at me and says “Animal.”

Obviously, she can’t be talking to me, so I look behind me and she says “no.  You.  You’re an animal.  You think you could have moved a bit more so I could sit down.  Now my nice leather skirt is torn”.

I kind of ignore her and she keeps rambling so I turn to her, and very quietly say “I have been commuting for over 7 years.  I don’t need you to tell me how to behave on a train.  You clearly saw I had no room to move, it isn’t my fault that your clothes don’t fit you properly”

I brush my hair back with my fingers, reach into my laptop bag and take out my phone.  She then turns to me and puts an open can of soda on the seat in between us, and with a sneer says “I sure hope this soda doesn’t spill”.  So, I put my phone back into my bag, put my right hand into the zipped pocket in the back (where I usually keep my weapons), and turn to her.

“You wouldn’t be threatening me, would you?  Because that would be a mistake.” I provide one of my “don’t fuck with me or I’ll ruin your day” looks, she picks up her soda can and says “You must be hearing things”.  So I remove my hand from my bag and continue looking at my phone, with a half-smile.  That prompts a “Well I still look better than you”.

We’ve been through this.  I know that I can be a touch on the arrogant side, but I’m not really one to self promote.  In this instance, however, I didn’t have much of a choice.  I had even brushed my hair that morning AND put on makeup, so I know I was rocking it.

“…oh honey.  We both know that’s not true”

After that – the rest of my ride was in silence.

I’m such a creep

I know this.

The other day, I was in the elevator.  Some dude gets on and presses 14.

Me: I used to be on that floor (running her finger on the button)

Stranger: what’s that now? Well, how come you moved?

Me: well, we consolidated our real estate. Anyway, do you know that you’re actually on the 13th floor?

Stranger: oh, that doesn’t bother me

::door opens, I start to exit, turn and say “sppppoooooooooky”::

I bet I brightened that kids day.

The Moving Chronicles: Part Two

Okay so I wasn’t AS productive today as I hoped to be, but it really wasn’t my fault. Its snowing! In New York! In October!

In any event, I dropped off 5 more boxes of crap PLUS 3 storage boxes (so I guess that’s 8 boxes), I drank 4 beers, ate 5 kit kats, took all the stuff off the walls (not including the horizontal blinds, I don’t want my creeptastic neighbor peeping on me), I packed my car with the last of the boxes and miscellaneous stuff AND I bought a TV and DVD player.

Alright so it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I could’ve done another run, but I don’t want to strain myself. All I really have left is the bed and couch, some clothes (packed, yo!) And the rest of the blinds.

I keep flashing back to when my friends showed up at my last move and I had shoved everything in the middle of my living room in plastic bags and yogurt carts, hung over and crabby, dropping my mattress on my cat. She hasn’t been squished yet, but my dog is a nervous wreck. Wait till she sees the new bed I bought her.

I’m totally redeeming myself here.