“Every time you call “SantaCON” a bar-crawl…an elf dies”

I’ve never gone to SantaCon – I don’ t really have anything against it, I think the idea is pretty funny (everyone dresses up as some sort of Holiday character – elf, santa, Mrs. Claus, the Grinch, etc.) and follows a giant crawl through the city to predetermined bars – but I don’t think you know the next bar until you get to the meeting point, and so on/so forth.

A few of my friends have gone the past few years and had a blast.  Two years ago, I was in the city doing some shopping with a friend, during SantaCon – so I was literally surrounded by Holiday Cheer on my ride home.

Now, it wasn’t late in the evening, I think it was around 6PM, but I also think that the SantaCon started around 10 in the morning – so every elf, Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, what have you, on my train was wasted.  And singing.  And cheering.  Me, I was minding my business sifting through my purchases when I heard a f-cking COMMOTION coming from the back of the train.  Obviously, I peek around, and I see two elves going at it. 

Hard – like beating the balls off each other.  Which, if you’re not involved and don’t know anyone, is hilarious.  The train pulls into Jamaica station, and MTA PD enter the car on each side, surrounding the elves and bringing them outside to arrest them.  BAM!  One of the MTA cops gets blasted right in the face by a pissed off elf…and arm-bars the guy against the platform, cuffing him.

to my delight.  And the delight of the people around me – minus the person yelling “Police Brutality!” videoing the scene on her phone.

sit down, idiot, and don’t punch cops.  Even I know that.