Ain’t No Sugar Coats Here

A few weeks ago, a friend asked me for my opinion.  She prefaced it with “I am asking you this because I know you are going to tell me the truth, even if I don’t want to hear it”.  And she’s right.  While I never set out to hurt anyone’s feelings (friends and family), I’m not the girl you turn to if you want someone to “yes” you, or agree with you.

We all have those friends, or those people in our lives – and we need them.  Sometimes I just need someone to say “yes, Jo, eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerrys Nutella Core Ice Cream.  You had a salad for lunch and walked the dog today so it totally burned off those calories” not “eesh…thats like 1700 calories, you know its bikini season, right?”.  But when we come down to the important things – career, advice, family, financial, marriage – if you’re doing something stupid and you don’t want to hear it, just don’t involve me in your plans.  I’ll even listen to you after it blows up, and try to help you…I’ll never say “I told you so” but deep down inside I’m thinking “I wish you just listened to me in the first place”.

I’m not unreasonable.  I know that people don’t always follow logic.  I know that you are buying a new car for $60,000 and a $500 a month car payment that eats gas and costs an arm and a leg in insurance because you really, really want it…even though you’re on a tuna fish and ramen noodle budget…I just cannot physically tell you its a good idea.  My tongue will literally turn around, crawl down my throat and choke me before I tell you its okay to wear creamsicle taffeta overlay on a corset to work.

Not OK

Not OK

 

This can become a problem, though.  One that’s been detrimental to my friendships and relationships.  It has been, on more than one occasion.  Enough of a problem that I’ve considered biting my tongue sometimes and just not saying what I felt.

Considered…but won’t.  If I become that girl who censors herself because she might be afraid her friends won’t see it for what it is – straight concern for the people I love – then my friends won’t be able to put their faith in what I’m saying to them, all the time, is honest.

I still won’t break your horns for eating ice cream though.  IF you bring me a spoon and share.

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Ah, the commute.

Now, I know that I have a tendency to be a little aggressive at times, sometimes even a little intimidating – but I’m hardly an imposing physical being – just a little well versed at cutting the occasional person down (when needed).

The other day I’m sitting on a train, happily minding my business.  Generally, I will sit against the window in case anyone cares to join me, but today the seat I got into had duct tape all over it – and if someone wanted to sit, well, they could sit on the tape.  I’m not putting runs in my pantyhose for complete strangers. 

The train starts to fill up, and gets a little congested, when a woman comes up behind me – at the same time that a fella is to my front.  They essentially meet in the aisle outside the seat I’m in, and she taps me on the shoulder asking me if she could sit.  I get up, get as close to the man in my face as possible without molesting him, and she wiggles past me to sit down.  As I’m returning to where I was sitting, she looks at me and says “Animal.”

Obviously, she can’t be talking to me, so I look behind me and she says “no.  You.  You’re an animal.  You think you could have moved a bit more so I could sit down.  Now my nice leather skirt is torn”.

I kind of ignore her and she keeps rambling so I turn to her, and very quietly say “I have been commuting for over 7 years.  I don’t need you to tell me how to behave on a train.  You clearly saw I had no room to move, it isn’t my fault that your clothes don’t fit you properly”

I brush my hair back with my fingers, reach into my laptop bag and take out my phone.  She then turns to me and puts an open can of soda on the seat in between us, and with a sneer says “I sure hope this soda doesn’t spill”.  So, I put my phone back into my bag, put my right hand into the zipped pocket in the back (where I usually keep my weapons), and turn to her.

“You wouldn’t be threatening me, would you?  Because that would be a mistake.” I provide one of my “don’t fuck with me or I’ll ruin your day” looks, she picks up her soda can and says “You must be hearing things”.  So I remove my hand from my bag and continue looking at my phone, with a half-smile.  That prompts a “Well I still look better than you”.

We’ve been through this.  I know that I can be a touch on the arrogant side, but I’m not really one to self promote.  In this instance, however, I didn’t have much of a choice.  I had even brushed my hair that morning AND put on makeup, so I know I was rocking it.

“…oh honey.  We both know that’s not true”

After that – the rest of my ride was in silence.

squishy little fat kids

How in the world do we live in a society that has a 3rd grade child over 200 pounds?  Unless that little pork chop is 6 feet tall, his mother should be kicked in the face.

I think.  I don’t know.  Far be it from me to tell anyone how to raise their children, I still get annoyed when my idiot dog poops on the floor, but at what point in your child rearing do you look at your giant fat kid and say “man, I’m doing a great job”?

I understand that it is difficult to break into the whole “healthy living“.  And I’m far off from the exemplary person in that regards – I’ll out-eat just about anyone in a “junk food off”, and the other day I was at a football game and ate copious amounts of red meat, fatty meat, Doritos and beer.

But I also know how to counter that – with a run, or a bike ride, or a good session at the gym (maybe even a purge? JUST KIDDING).  I didn’t take any class on it, or get help from a personal trainer, I simply wanted to go to the beach in a bikini and feel comfortable, so I took the opportunity to teach myself how to maintain my weight and react to the negative factors on my diet with exercise and healthy eating.  85% of the time.  I’ve given advice to my friends about what can help them – but no one can force you to do the work, cook the food, or count the calories.

At the end of the day, its simple math.  You lose weight when the calories burnt is greater than calories consumed.  There, I broke it down for you in one sentence.

The mother of this little giant fat kid says she’s not a bad mother, and the kid is fat because of genetics.  That might be true, I would love to give her the benefit of the doubt and be able to say that she loves her children.  Interestingly enough, both her and her husband are also obese.  I’m sure there is a percentage of people with “thyroid issues” but I find it hard to believe that your thyroid is forcing you to eat a bag of cheese doodles in front of the TV instead of going for a walk.  And I’m pretttttty sure your thyroid isn’t whispering “eat that gallon of ice cream”.

There are so many shows out there to help aid in weight loss.  And they’re entertaining, but they’re also extreme.  Again, I’ve done enough research to know that it is NOT good for your body to lose 25 pounds a week, or go from a completely sedentary lifestyle to working out for 4 hours a day.  Unfortunately, when people go from one extreme to another, they’re merely replacing the addiction they had for food to an addiction of exercise. 

Neither is good for you.

There is a middle ground.

If you’re motivated, you can find the middle ground.

If you can’t get motivated, there’s a deeper issue.  And that’s sad, I wish that no one was in a position where they felt sad about something and turned to a substance to fill that void.  Studies have been done on several occasions equating food addition to a drug addiction, because it sets off feelings of pleasure when you eat a Big Mac.  I guess I just don’t fully understand a food addition because I’m able to indulge, and then go back to a normal diet.

The amount of morbidly obese people in our country now a day is staggering.  The amount of obese children is out of control; and its partially due to lack of education and lack of funding, but at the end of the day, when you have a child, you’re supposed to take care of them and teach them.  If all you know is to over eat and live an unhealthy life style, its concerning – to say the least – about where we’re headed as a country.

I bet ya’ll thought I’d be b-tching about the holidays today, eh?  Oh I don’t think so.

Boys are Funky

My house mate is a wonderfully weird man, and we get along quite well, but living with a boy is “different”.

I don’t mean bad – he’s not dirty, he puts his dishes away, doesn’t leave garbage anywhere, and is never here. Except like, Tuesdays. Or once in a while to shower.

But he thinks he lives in a hotel, because he uses my towels. That are hanging to dry in the bathroom. That. I’ve. Used.

And it’s honestly unintentional, which I think, makes it even funnier. But after 3 consecutive days of wayward towels, I asked him what was happening.

“Wait…those are yours?”

It seems as though the house service was putting out somewhat fresh towels for him every day.

Love you house mate!